Redirection

So, it has been quite a while since my last post. About 6 months, actually. Like I posted in an earlier blog, I go through seasons with this fertility struggle and the last 6 months I don't entirely know where my head has been and I just really didn't feel much like blogging about that. But, I'm here again and I've renamed the blog because I feel like that's a more accurate description of the struggle I'm in. I feel like this season of infertility has brought out some of the worst in my personality and I'm struggling to reground myself. The greater problem has been that I've a perfectionist to my core. Some of you who know me personally may not really recognize this about me but it haunts my thoughts constantly. I look at something and if I can't do it perfectly or don't have complete control over it, I procrastinate, feels as though I'm under constant judgement or simply feel like a failure. In the last 6 months I've been haunted by so many different branches of my life that I can't make perfect and it has com to a head recently. Mentally, I've been so preoccupied by trying to make everything perfect that I have sacrificed the things that make life really good and have felt like such a failure that I've been refusing to live in the Grace I know I have.  I've been empty because I've just been living in the failure and negativity instead of letting the struggles refine my faith and help me grow as a person and in my marriage. I've known I wanted to get back to blogging for a while but didn't know how to get back into the groove of it because of everything going on with the fertility issues but for better or worse, I'm back into it. I've renamed it to reflect the bigger problem that I'm going through (which will be a lifelong one) and to reflect the ultimate goal of my heart. I want a large family but for now, this is the current obstacle The Lord has given me to work on. I'll update tonight or tomorrow with the current happpenings of baby Pilcher #1, but for now, I hope this will be an encouragement to anyone struggling with the thoughts of their minds about their worth and confidence.