THE MOVE!

I really do hate and love moving at the same time. I love new things, setting up home, meeting new people, going through closets, boxing stuff up, and the adventure. But I really, really, really hate everything that has to do with the stress of picking out a new place. I think I'm pretty picky with where I want to live because I love to set up home and I know what I want. One life skill that I really need improvement on is separating my living conditions from my stress levels. If I don't like where I'm living, I'm grumpy and stressed. If my house is a mess, I'm grumpy and stressed. If our place is too small, I'm grumpy and stressed.... and on and on. So, moving from one place that I have made home, find beautiful, and have plenty of space means I have some pretty high expectations for our next place. To be absolutely clear,  I LOVE that we are moving from South Dakota to Peoria, IL. That was my #1 pick as far as where I wanted to be permenantly (as permenant as you can be nowdays) so the move makes me giddy and excited. Finding a new place is always a challenge no matter how far you are moving or how long you have. Right now we own a house and are putting it on the market next Monday. Which is great because this house has been a huge blessing to us in that the profit we make from it will pay all of my student loans and leave us a nice nest egg until we are settled (Aaron still doesn't have a job). But, it makes me uber anxious because we don't know if we are going to buy our next place or rent. We are leaning towards renting for a little while since Aaron doesn't have a job yet and I honestly don't think I can handle the process of going through all the mortgage papers again with everything thats already going on with fertility treatments, Aaron graduating, work, selling the house, the move, job hunting..... Yet, I can't find a good rental! We want a nice 3 bedroom house in the Peoria area for less than $700 a month. After paying a mortgage, this seems like an insane amount to pay for rent but I know that's probably what we are going to end up paying for what we (I) want. We have 1 acceptable lead on a place but haven't heard back from the landlord and I don't know if we are going to be able to wing a July 1 or Aug 1 rent date this far out. It just stresses me out. As I was searching and searching the internet for any listed rentals that may be out there I realized moving has sucked every single solitary time. Everytime I think we will never find something that will work and The Lord brings us to something perfect. The right place, space, and price. So, for the next 5 months, I'm going to have to just trust the The Lord will do it again. I never know how He is going to do it, but He does.

Debbie Downer

Well, today was one of those days that makes me not want to blog. Life seems gloom and I don't really feel much like writing about these blah days. But reading some of these everyday blogs from others dealing with infertility is helpful for me when I'm having some really down days, so I suppose I will blog. I feel like I could hardly keep up with the bare minimum of what I had to do today and that makes me feel frantic, down, and defeated. Being the breadwinner definetly puts a lot of pressure and demand on my time. The problem with that is that I need to change quite a few things in my daily life to address and continue to heal my PCOS, and they all take a lot of positive mental energy and time and days like today are much easier just getting through them. And today, I just tried to get through it. I'm exhausted from traveling back from Minnesota so early, white knuckled through the fog and ice, and getting back just in time to start all my responsibilities. I'm just ready to call it a day and go to bed hoping I can get through tomorrow better. Emotionally, these days wear on me because I want a child more than any one thing now and I know that there is very little chance of conceiving without consistent changes in my day so when I don't put in the work, time, and energy to change what I need to change, I feel even more desperate for a pregnancy. So I get upset with myself and the snowball grows. Planning on getting to bed realtively early tonight and hoping my attitude and mental place will get better with some sleep. Will blog this week on what specifically I need to be changing and how that's all going.

2013: New Hopes and New Roads

So, I'm a terrible blogger because I never do it. To be honest, I never feel like I have very much to write but one of my goals for 2013 is to blog more. Shouldn't be hard because, like I said, I'm terrible at it! 2013 will hold lots of new and great things for us and plenty of opportunities for us to watch God open doors for us and I'm so excited for these changes!! Quickly, since its late, here's what 2013 will bring for us or the goals we have set for ourselves: Aaron's graduation from Law School, bar exam, and employment as a lawyer (God willing); Selling our first home; Moving back to the Peoria area (!!!); Buying our second home; Either completing our adoption papers and on the books waiting for a baby or conceiving our own child; Implementing a much healthier lifestyle; Being off the majority of my synthetic medications for PCOS management; blogging more; reading through the Bible in one year. 2013 will be a big year for Aaron and I, but personally, one of the biggest things I'm striving for/looking forward to will be healing physically for me. I feel, after a lot of praying and researching, I have a pretty good game plan for the year. Basically, this fictious exchange sums it up, "Patient: 'Doctor, I don't feel well and I'm not sure why.' Doctor, 'I want you to meditate for 20 minutes twice a day, exercise for at least 30 minutes a day, avoid processed foods, eat plenty of organic fruits and vegetables, spend more time with nature and less outdoors, stop worrying about things you can't control and ditch your T.V. Come back in 3 weeks.'"