Debbie Downer

Well, today was one of those days that makes me not want to blog. Life seems gloom and I don't really feel much like writing about these blah days. But reading some of these everyday blogs from others dealing with infertility is helpful for me when I'm having some really down days, so I suppose I will blog. I feel like I could hardly keep up with the bare minimum of what I had to do today and that makes me feel frantic, down, and defeated. Being the breadwinner definetly puts a lot of pressure and demand on my time. The problem with that is that I need to change quite a few things in my daily life to address and continue to heal my PCOS, and they all take a lot of positive mental energy and time and days like today are much easier just getting through them. And today, I just tried to get through it. I'm exhausted from traveling back from Minnesota so early, white knuckled through the fog and ice, and getting back just in time to start all my responsibilities. I'm just ready to call it a day and go to bed hoping I can get through tomorrow better. Emotionally, these days wear on me because I want a child more than any one thing now and I know that there is very little chance of conceiving without consistent changes in my day so when I don't put in the work, time, and energy to change what I need to change, I feel even more desperate for a pregnancy. So I get upset with myself and the snowball grows. Planning on getting to bed realtively early tonight and hoping my attitude and mental place will get better with some sleep. Will blog this week on what specifically I need to be changing and how that's all going.